Dear Dobson,
I am sorry to hear the filthy cur has launched a full-on attack. He is a cunt. I hope the magic pills will force him to release his locked jaw and give you some respite.
On top of the psychological shit, the physical never helps. I am also suffering from something 'viral' - at least I've little doubt that's what the doctor will describe it as when I attend my 2 o'clock appointment this afternoon. I fucking hate going to the surgery; still I've procrastinated about it since last Friday's sweat-fest so perhaps I should simply bite the bullet and get on with it.
After missing the first two series, I have finally taken your recommendation on board and started watching The Killing. You know me so well Dobson. I am enjoying watching people who cannot relate to anyone except corpses, it's right up my strasse (that was for our German friends) and I completely understand why it's on your list of good things. Speaking of your list, there are many more things to put on it but I know the Black Dog obscures, blinkers and places seeds of doubt. I reiterate he is a cunt.
Date number two has been arranged for Monday. Dinner this time. Second dates are very much like the second viewing of a house; a real test to see if all the things that impressed you first time round still do. An opportunity to check for subsidence, dry rot, dodgy wiring and rising damp. Although a bit of dampness could be perceived as a good thing on a second date.
In the meantime I am still receiving 'interesting' (read soul-destroying) mail on the dating website. I received a gem from a chap whose profile picture shows his one good eye looking at you, while the other eye appears to be looking at something over your left shoulder. All credit to him, he wrote a very nice mail, but alas there were more pictures to peruse... The one showing him wearing a set of emerald green silk pyjamas made my eyes bleed. This is my life.
Frankie
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Make Like David
Dear Frankie
... The Hoff also made it big in Germany. I reckon we are onto something....
Well dear heart I have been up since half 4 and so am downstairs, cup of tea in hand. Went to docs yesterday and myself and the pills are reunited once more.
To add to the Dog I also had a bit of a viral thing going on, what my gran would call 'A bit of a chill'. Had to bail out of a training day as my head was bobbing up and down like a balloon on a stick, my nether regions were nipping and everything sounded liked my ears were wrapped in cotton wool.
Tried to make a list of good things whilst lying awake at 3.58am. The rules are you are not allowed the 'obvious' e.g. your kids, health etc.
1. The Killing is back on.
2. I managed to get into a size 12 bottoms.
3. I accidently bought a size 10 top from Primark, and bizarrely it fitted.
4. It's Thursday.
Sadly my state of mind meant that I was able to negate all of the above, plus add lots of other negatives. It was then that I realised that I had to get up.
1. Too tired to watch it.
2. There is a lot of muffanage.
3. It's stretchy.
4. Oh god. Two more days of work.
Etc, etc, etc.
Until next time mon cherie
Dobson
xx
... The Hoff also made it big in Germany. I reckon we are onto something....
Well dear heart I have been up since half 4 and so am downstairs, cup of tea in hand. Went to docs yesterday and myself and the pills are reunited once more.
To add to the Dog I also had a bit of a viral thing going on, what my gran would call 'A bit of a chill'. Had to bail out of a training day as my head was bobbing up and down like a balloon on a stick, my nether regions were nipping and everything sounded liked my ears were wrapped in cotton wool.
Tried to make a list of good things whilst lying awake at 3.58am. The rules are you are not allowed the 'obvious' e.g. your kids, health etc.
1. The Killing is back on.
2. I managed to get into a size 12 bottoms.
3. I accidently bought a size 10 top from Primark, and bizarrely it fitted.
4. It's Thursday.
Sadly my state of mind meant that I was able to negate all of the above, plus add lots of other negatives. It was then that I realised that I had to get up.
1. Too tired to watch it.
2. There is a lot of muffanage.
3. It's stretchy.
4. Oh god. Two more days of work.
Etc, etc, etc.
Until next time mon cherie
Dobson
xx
Saturday, 24 November 2012
I'm Gonna Make You Sweat
Dear Dobson,
I hear you loud and clear regarding the arrival of the black dog. He's obviously doing the rounds. I can smell him lurking, damp and mangy... He'd better hope I don't see him, otherwise I will be compelled to kick his filthy head in.
At the moment I am listening to Derek and Clive 'The Pope gives me the horn...' - it brought you to mind for some reason.
You'll be most disappointed to hear there was no anal action on last night's date. I've decided that either I'm peri-menopausal or I have flu. I arrived at London Bridge Station heavily drenched in my own sweat - not a good look for a first date. Walking along by the river chatting was fine but whenever we went into a bar or pub the deluge started again. I was like a whore in church.
In spite of the above he wants to see me again. Either he liked the way I looked as I perspired or he's taken pity on me.
A day of alcohol ingestion awaits. It'll kill or cure.
Frankie
PS. There are two people in Germany reading our shit.
I hear you loud and clear regarding the arrival of the black dog. He's obviously doing the rounds. I can smell him lurking, damp and mangy... He'd better hope I don't see him, otherwise I will be compelled to kick his filthy head in.
At the moment I am listening to Derek and Clive 'The Pope gives me the horn...' - it brought you to mind for some reason.
You'll be most disappointed to hear there was no anal action on last night's date. I've decided that either I'm peri-menopausal or I have flu. I arrived at London Bridge Station heavily drenched in my own sweat - not a good look for a first date. Walking along by the river chatting was fine but whenever we went into a bar or pub the deluge started again. I was like a whore in church.
In spite of the above he wants to see me again. Either he liked the way I looked as I perspired or he's taken pity on me.
A day of alcohol ingestion awaits. It'll kill or cure.
Frankie
PS. There are two people in Germany reading our shit.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Fiiiivvveeee Gooollleeddd Riiiinnggg (Pieces)
Dearest Frankie
All together now.
2 x Tins Chocolates (Roses / Heroes)
1 x Christmas Pudding
1 x Jar Goose Fat
1 x Cranberry Sauce
3 x Advent Fucking Calendars
2 x Disposable Roasting Tins
And may I add my "Random Woven Charity Bag" I bought in a Sainbury's Express today.
I also bought a "Fat bird's low everything" Chicken Sandwich. I sat in the rehearsal rooms at The Old Vic and worked out my propoints on the Weight Watcher App whilst talking to 4 drama teachers about their drama school experiences. The worst by far was the poor cow who had to do a week in role whilst at E15. They had to camp out as sort of 'Crucible' characters and make cabbage soup, or summit. It sounded proper wank. She also said they had a "Our Country's Good' one where she got so sick of digging ditches etc that she pretended to have an eppy so they would 'arrest' her, take her to the 'jail' where she could have some fucking peace and quiet.
I really liked her.
I also loved the bird taking the workshop. She seemed very articulate, knowledgeable and talented. Despite this I still liked her. And she was about my age with 2 small kids. She also dropped in the following..
1. She writes childrens' books
2. She did her yoga teaching training in India
3. Her small scene in 'Skyfall' was cut out.
I'm lucky if I put my knickers on the right way in the morning.
Christmas is passing me by to be honest. I'm looking at it as a bit of a rest.
Can I suggest for the date that you make a 'Bushtucker Trial' with the 7 items. 'Up yer Jap's Eye' is a ratings winner for me. I'll let you decide on the rules...
Big love
Dobson x
All together now.
2 x Tins Chocolates (Roses / Heroes)
1 x Christmas Pudding
1 x Jar Goose Fat
1 x Cranberry Sauce
3 x Advent Fucking Calendars
2 x Disposable Roasting Tins
And may I add my "Random Woven Charity Bag" I bought in a Sainbury's Express today.
I also bought a "Fat bird's low everything" Chicken Sandwich. I sat in the rehearsal rooms at The Old Vic and worked out my propoints on the Weight Watcher App whilst talking to 4 drama teachers about their drama school experiences. The worst by far was the poor cow who had to do a week in role whilst at E15. They had to camp out as sort of 'Crucible' characters and make cabbage soup, or summit. It sounded proper wank. She also said they had a "Our Country's Good' one where she got so sick of digging ditches etc that she pretended to have an eppy so they would 'arrest' her, take her to the 'jail' where she could have some fucking peace and quiet.
I really liked her.
I also loved the bird taking the workshop. She seemed very articulate, knowledgeable and talented. Despite this I still liked her. And she was about my age with 2 small kids. She also dropped in the following..
1. She writes childrens' books
2. She did her yoga teaching training in India
3. Her small scene in 'Skyfall' was cut out.
I'm lucky if I put my knickers on the right way in the morning.
Christmas is passing me by to be honest. I'm looking at it as a bit of a rest.
Can I suggest for the date that you make a 'Bushtucker Trial' with the 7 items. 'Up yer Jap's Eye' is a ratings winner for me. I'll let you decide on the rules...
Big love
Dobson x
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Bah Humbug
Dear Dobson,
I hope, by the time you read this, your piss has returned to its normal colour and is no longer pink. In my view, that is the most exciting thing about beetroot. Having consumed vast amounts during pregnancy number one it really doesn't thrill me like it used to back in the good old days.
Ephiphanies are wonderful! They come knocking in the wee small hours of the morning and reveal things your subconscious has been squashing down forever and a day. Of course it tends to be stuff you knew all along, but I think the epiphany arrives when our conscious mind knows we can cope with the revelation. Or summat. That dose of cod psychology will be £50 thanks very much and yes I do accept PayPal.
I did the 'big shop' today. It was a bad idea, though I don't think it's ever a good one is it? In my vulnerable state of feeling a bit poorly I was unable to resist being drawn into the black hole that is Christmas. I purchased the following token items in the hope that some good, happy, yuletide vibrations might rub off on me:
2 x Tins Chocolates (Roses / Heroes)
1 x Christmas Pudding
1 x Jar Goose Fat
1 x Cranberry Sauce
3 x Advent Fucking Calendars
2 x Disposable Roasting Tins
The vibrations didn't rub off and I feel like an arse for buying into it. Whoever invented Christmas should be crucified.
I've no doubt the goose fat will come in handy at some point. I have a date on Friday.
Frankie
I hope, by the time you read this, your piss has returned to its normal colour and is no longer pink. In my view, that is the most exciting thing about beetroot. Having consumed vast amounts during pregnancy number one it really doesn't thrill me like it used to back in the good old days.
Ephiphanies are wonderful! They come knocking in the wee small hours of the morning and reveal things your subconscious has been squashing down forever and a day. Of course it tends to be stuff you knew all along, but I think the epiphany arrives when our conscious mind knows we can cope with the revelation. Or summat. That dose of cod psychology will be £50 thanks very much and yes I do accept PayPal.
I did the 'big shop' today. It was a bad idea, though I don't think it's ever a good one is it? In my vulnerable state of feeling a bit poorly I was unable to resist being drawn into the black hole that is Christmas. I purchased the following token items in the hope that some good, happy, yuletide vibrations might rub off on me:
2 x Tins Chocolates (Roses / Heroes)
1 x Christmas Pudding
1 x Jar Goose Fat
1 x Cranberry Sauce
3 x Advent Fucking Calendars
2 x Disposable Roasting Tins
The vibrations didn't rub off and I feel like an arse for buying into it. Whoever invented Christmas should be crucified.
I've no doubt the goose fat will come in handy at some point. I have a date on Friday.
Frankie
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Beetroot
Dear Frankie
I fear for the Birdhood, I really do. I have had to hide a copy of The Observer Magazine as there are pictures of wee girls being circumcised. Fucking barbaric. I have hidden it under a pile of papers in case I see it again. I feel it even more acutely as Mia grows older and is finding her own little way in the world. I felt protective before but now I would literally kill anyone who crossed her. It would be a full on bitch fight. Removal of organs with a blunt object and everything...
The last thing we need are more shitty ads around The Black Dog's Party Season....
I was talking to Julia the other day. I had 2 epiphanies.
Number one.
I have had enough of secondary school teaching. Period.
Number two.
I miss my children.
That is the basis of all that I am doing right now.
I was also musing, 2 and a half miles from you, at 3am this morning how wrong it was for me to go back to work, in that environment, back in January. I was way too ill. I shouldn't have been allowed. It made me sicker. Obvious stuff but it hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.
Onwards and upwards dear heart.
I have discovered the delights of fresh beetroot. Stains and all.
Peace and love.
Dobbers xx
I fear for the Birdhood, I really do. I have had to hide a copy of The Observer Magazine as there are pictures of wee girls being circumcised. Fucking barbaric. I have hidden it under a pile of papers in case I see it again. I feel it even more acutely as Mia grows older and is finding her own little way in the world. I felt protective before but now I would literally kill anyone who crossed her. It would be a full on bitch fight. Removal of organs with a blunt object and everything...
The last thing we need are more shitty ads around The Black Dog's Party Season....
I was talking to Julia the other day. I had 2 epiphanies.
Number one.
I have had enough of secondary school teaching. Period.
Number two.
I miss my children.
That is the basis of all that I am doing right now.
I was also musing, 2 and a half miles from you, at 3am this morning how wrong it was for me to go back to work, in that environment, back in January. I was way too ill. I shouldn't have been allowed. It made me sicker. Obvious stuff but it hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.
Onwards and upwards dear heart.
I have discovered the delights of fresh beetroot. Stains and all.
Peace and love.
Dobbers xx
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