Dear Dobson,
Given that these are stressful times, it was inevitable that my old friend 'Insomnia' would rock up at some point, hence me hanging up the towels and loitering here at 1 o'clock in the morning. I am so tired, in fact, I'm exhausted. I've been fighting the lurgy for over a week now with no sign of it abating. My body is telling me to slow down but it's difficult; I've children, singing rehearsals, gym and a soirée to organise for Saturday night. My libido is suffering too and I feel terrible for cancelling my tryst with SG Guy tonight, but what's the point if I'm not up to it? I'm no faker.
In view of my cancellation I considered a wank but lethargy and apathy won the day. My glass of 14.5% Merlot remains unfinished, the lid is firmly on my 'Berlin XXX' poppers and the batteries in my bunny are on their last (hind) legs. It's tragic.
Ten days and counting. Then who knows where I'll be at - a better place hopefully, with some fresh batteries...
Frankie
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Tuesday, 18 November 2014
Monday, 10 November 2014
Round Midnight
Dear Dobson,
The title of this latest instalment is a song I'm currently learning for gigging purposes. It was suggested to me by someone else, but man... It's screamingly appropriate right now.
Sarah tells it like it is and no mistaking. I'm meandering through my days in fierce denial. The trial is almost two weeks away and I've a feeling that, no matter what the outcome is, it's going to feel shitty. You know it's not how I wanted things to be with The Man. Nevertheless, it's the way things have gone so a pragmatic and practical approach is required for the time being - if only to get me through the dreaded day itself.
In other news, alcohol is proving to be something of an emotional buffer for me. I know it's not a healthy way of coping with the situation, but the way I see it, the 'situation' will be over soon.
It hasn't all been doom and gloom though. I've a nice little earner coming up in the form of a dinner / dance gig. Although not the most satisfying in creative terms, these 'dos' always prove to be quite lucrative.
And there's more good stuff... At the weekend I was a willing participant in some gin research and discovered some real corkers. I think I can safely say that Brockmans, Monkey 47 and Cadenhead's would all be up your straße. Especially Cadenhead's; it's Scottish and 50% proof. What's not to like?
I continue to spend wonderful evenings with SG Guy. He's uncomplicated, generous and has the most sublime touch. His apartment has become something of a haven for me, a rooftop escape from all the sewage down below.
Time for me to attempt sleep. These days it tends to be disturbed by anxiety inducing dreams, but I have a feeling things might be a bit easier in a month or so. Goodnight Dobson.
Frankie
The title of this latest instalment is a song I'm currently learning for gigging purposes. It was suggested to me by someone else, but man... It's screamingly appropriate right now.
Sarah tells it like it is and no mistaking. I'm meandering through my days in fierce denial. The trial is almost two weeks away and I've a feeling that, no matter what the outcome is, it's going to feel shitty. You know it's not how I wanted things to be with The Man. Nevertheless, it's the way things have gone so a pragmatic and practical approach is required for the time being - if only to get me through the dreaded day itself.
In other news, alcohol is proving to be something of an emotional buffer for me. I know it's not a healthy way of coping with the situation, but the way I see it, the 'situation' will be over soon.
It hasn't all been doom and gloom though. I've a nice little earner coming up in the form of a dinner / dance gig. Although not the most satisfying in creative terms, these 'dos' always prove to be quite lucrative.
And there's more good stuff... At the weekend I was a willing participant in some gin research and discovered some real corkers. I think I can safely say that Brockmans, Monkey 47 and Cadenhead's would all be up your straße. Especially Cadenhead's; it's Scottish and 50% proof. What's not to like?
I continue to spend wonderful evenings with SG Guy. He's uncomplicated, generous and has the most sublime touch. His apartment has become something of a haven for me, a rooftop escape from all the sewage down below.
Time for me to attempt sleep. These days it tends to be disturbed by anxiety inducing dreams, but I have a feeling things might be a bit easier in a month or so. Goodnight Dobson.
Frankie
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
The Arrival Of Apathy
Dear Dobson,
I am sure you could look back on your many years of
teaching and nothing would come close to the huge surge of pride you, no doubt,
felt on handing out green pens to your class for self-evaluation... I get the feeling green wax crayons might
have been more appropriate?
The thaw of the Ice Queen is changeable given the cold
north easterly winds we are currently tolerating. I remain unsure as to the best course of action;
‘To feel or not to feel? That is the question.’ Part of me knows from previous experience
that if you open up and allow someone in, it can be a wonderfully enriching and
fulfilling adventure. Conversely, past
endeavours have also taught me that the business of feeling can leave you
exposed to hurt and heartbreak. I will
think on’t – and perhaps witness the joyful resurrection of the '4am Terror Club'
in the process.
On a shallower note – the place where I am happiest – I am
relieved to have found the perfect frock for my next gig. A veritable gift of a dress; it flatters, it’s
stylish, it reeks of jazz and I will be able to wear my pearl necklace with it,
which will certainly bring a smile to my face.
It’s only just 10 o’clock and I’m already thinking of
retiring to the boudoir for some literature and light masturbation. There are worse ways to spend a Tuesday
evening.
Bonne chance with the inspection tomorrow. Tell them I think they’re cunts and you’ll go
far.
Frankie
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