Dear Dobson,
Given that these are stressful times, it was inevitable that my old friend 'Insomnia' would rock up at some point, hence me hanging up the towels and loitering here at 1 o'clock in the morning. I am so tired, in fact, I'm exhausted. I've been fighting the lurgy for over a week now with no sign of it abating. My body is telling me to slow down but it's difficult; I've children, singing rehearsals, gym and a soirée to organise for Saturday night. My libido is suffering too and I feel terrible for cancelling my tryst with SG Guy tonight, but what's the point if I'm not up to it? I'm no faker.
In view of my cancellation I considered a wank but lethargy and apathy won the day. My glass of 14.5% Merlot remains unfinished, the lid is firmly on my 'Berlin XXX' poppers and the batteries in my bunny are on their last (hind) legs. It's tragic.
Ten days and counting. Then who knows where I'll be at - a better place hopefully, with some fresh batteries...
Frankie
Tuesday 18 November 2014
Monday 10 November 2014
Round Midnight
Dear Dobson,
The title of this latest instalment is a song I'm currently learning for gigging purposes. It was suggested to me by someone else, but man... It's screamingly appropriate right now.
Sarah tells it like it is and no mistaking. I'm meandering through my days in fierce denial. The trial is almost two weeks away and I've a feeling that, no matter what the outcome is, it's going to feel shitty. You know it's not how I wanted things to be with The Man. Nevertheless, it's the way things have gone so a pragmatic and practical approach is required for the time being - if only to get me through the dreaded day itself.
In other news, alcohol is proving to be something of an emotional buffer for me. I know it's not a healthy way of coping with the situation, but the way I see it, the 'situation' will be over soon.
It hasn't all been doom and gloom though. I've a nice little earner coming up in the form of a dinner / dance gig. Although not the most satisfying in creative terms, these 'dos' always prove to be quite lucrative.
And there's more good stuff... At the weekend I was a willing participant in some gin research and discovered some real corkers. I think I can safely say that Brockmans, Monkey 47 and Cadenhead's would all be up your straße. Especially Cadenhead's; it's Scottish and 50% proof. What's not to like?
I continue to spend wonderful evenings with SG Guy. He's uncomplicated, generous and has the most sublime touch. His apartment has become something of a haven for me, a rooftop escape from all the sewage down below.
Time for me to attempt sleep. These days it tends to be disturbed by anxiety inducing dreams, but I have a feeling things might be a bit easier in a month or so. Goodnight Dobson.
Frankie
The title of this latest instalment is a song I'm currently learning for gigging purposes. It was suggested to me by someone else, but man... It's screamingly appropriate right now.
Sarah tells it like it is and no mistaking. I'm meandering through my days in fierce denial. The trial is almost two weeks away and I've a feeling that, no matter what the outcome is, it's going to feel shitty. You know it's not how I wanted things to be with The Man. Nevertheless, it's the way things have gone so a pragmatic and practical approach is required for the time being - if only to get me through the dreaded day itself.
In other news, alcohol is proving to be something of an emotional buffer for me. I know it's not a healthy way of coping with the situation, but the way I see it, the 'situation' will be over soon.
It hasn't all been doom and gloom though. I've a nice little earner coming up in the form of a dinner / dance gig. Although not the most satisfying in creative terms, these 'dos' always prove to be quite lucrative.
And there's more good stuff... At the weekend I was a willing participant in some gin research and discovered some real corkers. I think I can safely say that Brockmans, Monkey 47 and Cadenhead's would all be up your straße. Especially Cadenhead's; it's Scottish and 50% proof. What's not to like?
I continue to spend wonderful evenings with SG Guy. He's uncomplicated, generous and has the most sublime touch. His apartment has become something of a haven for me, a rooftop escape from all the sewage down below.
Time for me to attempt sleep. These days it tends to be disturbed by anxiety inducing dreams, but I have a feeling things might be a bit easier in a month or so. Goodnight Dobson.
Frankie
Saturday 1 November 2014
Resurrection
Dear Dobson,
We need to get back to doing this shit.
In my mind, I don't care whether we're simply writing for you and me. I don't care how many followers we have, what the figures are, who's interested or not. This bloggage, as I understand it, is ultimately for us.
I think, whilst desperately trying not to sound like Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. It's fucking hard.
As you know Dobson, I'm up in court this month - a witness for the CPS. Partly I've been reluctant to write because I don't know who's going to read this. 'The Man' is aware of this blog and he may well come across its content. I've reached the point where I don't care if he does or not.
Our relationship ended in the messiest of ways. He hurt me, physically as well as emotionally, and as you know after a period of contemplation I went to the police. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but ultimately, at the very heart of it, was the belief that what he had done was wrong. Very wrong.
I have done my best since things ended, to get on with my life. I've successfully gigged, I've achieved a Certificate in Counselling, I've tentatively embarked on a new relationship and yet life feels 'stuck'. Until the trial is over I'm unable to move on. We still have a connection, even if it's in the most negative of ways. I want to be liberated. I want it to be over and I acknowledge that, soon, it will be.
I hope that with the end of the trial - no matter what the outcome is - I will be able to disconnect. In spite of everything, I still feel tied to him, as if this trial binds us in the unhealthiest of ways.
Obviously it's been a long time and there's much more I could divulge but I feel I need to be economical with what I share right now. The time will come when it feels safe again, but until then this is the best I can offer.
Frankie
We need to get back to doing this shit.
In my mind, I don't care whether we're simply writing for you and me. I don't care how many followers we have, what the figures are, who's interested or not. This bloggage, as I understand it, is ultimately for us.
I think, whilst desperately trying not to sound like Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. It's fucking hard.
As you know Dobson, I'm up in court this month - a witness for the CPS. Partly I've been reluctant to write because I don't know who's going to read this. 'The Man' is aware of this blog and he may well come across its content. I've reached the point where I don't care if he does or not.
Our relationship ended in the messiest of ways. He hurt me, physically as well as emotionally, and as you know after a period of contemplation I went to the police. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but ultimately, at the very heart of it, was the belief that what he had done was wrong. Very wrong.
I have done my best since things ended, to get on with my life. I've successfully gigged, I've achieved a Certificate in Counselling, I've tentatively embarked on a new relationship and yet life feels 'stuck'. Until the trial is over I'm unable to move on. We still have a connection, even if it's in the most negative of ways. I want to be liberated. I want it to be over and I acknowledge that, soon, it will be.
I hope that with the end of the trial - no matter what the outcome is - I will be able to disconnect. In spite of everything, I still feel tied to him, as if this trial binds us in the unhealthiest of ways.
Obviously it's been a long time and there's much more I could divulge but I feel I need to be economical with what I share right now. The time will come when it feels safe again, but until then this is the best I can offer.
Frankie
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