Thursday 14 February 2013

Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Dobson,

Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day…  Something I had stealthily managed to avoid until early this evening when I made the fatal error of logging onto The Book of Face.  It was rammed with statuses (statusi?) and pictures of what all the joyous couples out there have been up to.  I’m glad they’re all so happy and that none of their vile display is a desperate ploy to convince their singleton friends, as well as themselves, that life as part of a couple is SO much more fun!

Cunts.

As a result I had to log off and have just spent an hour intermittently wanking whilst watching Crimewatch.  This led to me contemplating that perhaps my postman had been robbed or assaulted today and that he did, in fact, have a full sack of Valentine’s paraphernalia for me.  I shall never know.

Still, it is almost tomorrow when all those couples will be able to revert to quietly loathing each other once more.

Frankie
Posted by at
Labels: ,

4 comments:

  1. Gorilla Bananas14 February 2013 at 23:12

    I've always pitied needy women who yearn to be pampered by their man on the same day of the year that millions of other needy women are being pampered. Your intermittent wanking sounds far more impressive, although I'm a bit concerned about the Crimewatch connection.

    Here's a Valentine card for you, with all my hairy love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frankie Dobson16 February 2013 at 10:19

      Dear Gorilla Bananas,

      I loathe Valentine's Day... The sight of sweaty, panic-stricken men rushing around Marks & Spencer, purchasing cute cards, teddy bears and a meal for two in the desperate hope it will liberate them from the lonely sexual wilderness they've been wandering in for way too long.

      Thank you for your Valentine's card. Is there horsemeat in that sausage?

      Frankie

      Delete
  2. Gorilla Bananas16 February 2013 at 12:39

    Good afternoon Frankie (or should I address you as Ms Dobson?),

    Before I answer your question about the card, I must ask you about the event you attended last night. Was your frock much admired? Did your pearl necklace dazzle? I do hope so!

    I'm pretty sure that the sausage you refer to was intended to be a finger - perhaps you were misled by the magnification? As such, I would hope its contents were 100% primate (probably human flesh, but possibly a great ape). I wanted to evoke the light-wank motif we were discussing, rather than the extra-heavy wank that a horse-meat sausage would portend.

    Anyway, the education you have given me has been so enlightening that I intended to mention it in my next blog post about the papal resignation. With your permission, I will link your blog so my readers can peruse your writings for themselves.

    Fond regards

    GB


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frankie Dobson17 February 2013 at 13:16

      Dear GB,

      I am simply Frankie, my partner in bloggage crime is Dobson. There is no need for formality here.

      Thank you for enquiring about Friday evening's outfit. My intended black dress / pearl necklace combo had to be relegated to the back of my wardrobe that particular night given an invitation to another event after my own. I needed an outfit that was both gig-worthy and fashion show-worthy.

      I now understand the subtle intent behind your Valentine's card. Forgive me, for I see phallic shapes all around me - I am sure there must be a name for such a condition...

      I am glad my ramblings have enlightened you in some way and have no issue with you linking my blog to your own. Please feel free.

      Frankie

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)